The Cliff Face
by CrimsonJoy
Summary: I knew she was there, no one else stared at me the way she did, with such intensity, like she was attempting to memorise me completely. It had been two months, but I wouldn't turn to her, I couldn't lose her again. Character death.


**A/N: I have nooo idea where this came from. Well I kinda do, there was a story prompt in a test I did, and it set my fanfic thinking mind off, so I went home and write this. It's different than my usual, but I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, never will…**

I could feel her, her eyes watching me as I moved, those dark coffee eyes that I could stare into my whole life.

I knew she was there, no one else stared at me the way she did, with such intensity, like she was attempting to memorise me completely. She didn't need too, why would I ever leave her?

I couldn't help the smile that built itself up automatically. It would always simply appear when I felt her near me, like clockwork. I had always loved that about us, the way we could coexist so easily, like nothing else was real, just us.

I wanted to turn and face her, but I held myself firm, begging my body not to give into those urges again. I couldn't take it anymore.

Two months. Two months she had been away. But I wouldn't turn to her, I couldn't lose her again.

"Brittany…" I heard her call me, her husky voice drifting through me and filling me with warmth, God I had missed that voice.

I wanted to turn, but I didn't.

I knew she was there; she always appeared like this to me, just watching, waiting for me to make the first move towards her. But not this time, I couldn't, wouldn't, fall for that again. It hurts far too much.

"Brittany… don't do this again." she murmured, her voice now like honey, wrapping around me, keeping me so safe. I felt so complete; I never wanted to feel anything else ever again. But I still didn't turn.

I looked below me, watching the water move, watching the powerful waves grow and crash on the rockface, before living again and rising like fearsome beast, attacking the fragile cliffs, slowly tearing them apart like they were nothing.

I don't know why my thoughts would suddenly turn to this… darker place. I had just grown on me in the last few weeks, and now that it had, I couldn't stop it. I didn't let Santana see though, she'd be sad if she knew.

I felt my hands grip the grass tighter as I sat, carefree by the sea, my lover standing behind me. But she was distant, as she always was now, and I was tired.

"Santana…" I whispered, making her listen intently to my words. I knew she would, she always did. "Please stop."

I heard her take in a deep breath, and instantly felt guilt rip through me, like a wildfire that I couldn't stop. I could have crumpled to the floor with the pain of it, but I stood firm.

Soundlessly, almost ghostlike, I felt Santana near me again, closer this time. She must have walked to me while I suffered her pain.

She bent down, letting the knees of her jeans graze my back through my light, yellow t-shirt. I felt her breath on my neck, her arms snaking their way around my slim waist, introducing me to the touch I had craved.

I felt her press her body into my back, letting me know she was there, that she was back and she wouldn't leave me, but I wouldn't fall for it again. I knew it wasn't long now.

"I'm not going anywhere, B," I heard her whisper to me, her comforting tone too much for me; I knew it was all lies.

I didn't respond to her. She didn't say anything to me. But I let her hold me, grip onto my like I could fade away from her. I knew she was scared, and that she didn't want to leave, but what choice was there. She couldn't stay like this for long. But I couldn't savour our short time together.

I leaned into Santana's embrace, closing my eyes. I loved when she was here, but I couldn't help but feel as if she was detached. That she shouldn't be here. I made me sick to think it, but I knew it was true.

"Santana," I wondered aloud to the other woman, slowly, pronouncing every tiny litter carefully. "Why does this keep happening?"

I felt her exhale against me, her body deflating and her head resting on my shoulder, her eyes closing. "I don't know," She said clearly, her lips grazing my neck ever so slightly, causing me in to inhale.

I let her relax on me for a minute, her body worn out by stress. I knew this was hard for her, harder than I could imagine really, but she wouldn't have to live with the outcome, I would. She would be allowed to rest, while I continued to suffer.

I loved her. I knew that very well. I knew that when we were seven, and she defended me from the bullies that picked on me for being childish. I knew that when we were fourteen and had out first kiss. I just never dreamed it would end like this.

I smiled weakly a the memories that soon filled my head, taking me away from that saddens ridden hilltop, back to my bedroom back home, where the two of us could relax and watch Disney movies all day, where we could be ourselves and be together.

I loved those times, but they couldn't last forever. I knew that too, I just never liked to accept it. And now here we were, no less than a year after graduation. I knew that she wouldn't be around for much longer. She was the only reason I came up here anymore.

I could remember that night clear as day, like it was only yesterday.

It wasn't any different than any other night. The stars shone in the sky, the moon hung overhead, Santana's hand held firmly in mine as we strolled along the beach, smiling to ourselves in the slightly breeze, loving the physical contact.

Until they arrived of course. I felt Santana's hand ripped form mine, a punch landed to my abdomen, and snap of my arm behind my back.

I remember her screaming my name in desperation as she fought from his hold on her. He shouted insults at her. "Dyke", "Lesbian", "Freak". Over and over. I couldn't take it, she looked so angry, so hurt. Until he pushed her too hard. And she fell.

I screamed as she hit the sand below with a sickening thud, her body broken. I remember them cursing, running away, leaving me on the hill above her, waiting for someone to find us. I called to her, I didn't get an answer, didn't expect one really. I was just wishful back then.

I knew she was gone. But I couldn't help but come back to this cliff face, every time, just to hear her voice again. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I needed her here with me.

So I kept coming back here, letting my emotions and my imagination run wild and supply me with her image, her scent, the feel of her skin on mine. And I craved it.

I never told my friends where I went, and they never asked. I knew that they cared, I think they might even know, but as I sit over the rocks, looking at the crashing sea below me, inviting me to leap into its cold depths, I don't think they know my limits.

"Britt," I heard her speak and felt my entire being ripped apart. I didn't understand why I could see her, I knew she wasn't really there, but I needed this. "Don't,"

I didn't dare look to her, risk seeing her big brown eyes, so full of emotion; I knew I would lose my resolve. I came here for a reason. And I would keep going no matter what.

"I can't keep going on like this, San," I said, my voice tired and weak, like her image. She was fading, I was forgetting. Or was she just finally moving on? I could never forget her.

She sighed in my ear, and I breathed in deeply, trying to catch hold of her familiar perfume. But she was fading, and I couldn't take not having her any longer.

"I have to do this," I finally let my head turn and my eyes to meet hers; I needed to make her understand that I couldn't live without her around me anymore. "I love you Santana,"

She was right there in front of me. She looked so real, I could feel her under my fingertips. For the first few weeks I tricked myself into thinking she really was back, even though I had seen her buried into the soil. I couldn't live any other way.

Her eyes stared into mine, watching me, gauging me. I met her gaze, keeping it. She had to see my hurt; it was brimming in my cobalt blue irises by now.

And then she was gone, vanishing like an oasis in a desert. I felt a single tear travel down my cheek, dripping onto my neck. I felt my throat constrict and my breathing become laboured. She was a figment of my imagination; she was only here because I needed her so desperately.

I felt my heart break, like it did every single day, the pain traveling down my entire body. I knew what I had to do to finally make it stop. I wasn't afraid anymore.

I let go off the grassy ledge, and let my body fall to the hungry waves below.

**A/N: Ok then, I just wrote this off the top of my head basically. I hope you like it, leave me a review and tell me what you do think. **

**Love you all,**

**-S**


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